koree: ([KHR] Hibari - Personal Hell)
Hey, it's been a long time, hasn't it?

I can't remember the last time that I wrote to myself, but I can't really remember the last time I felt pushed to the point I felt as if I needed to. I'm sitting at my computer right now feeling like complete emotional shit. Fireworks are going off outside and have been for an entire week. My buddy lists, all three of them, have each at least one person online, and while almost everyone in the country is celebrating its freedom and spending time enjoying themselves with someone else or even alone I feel all together removed from... everything.

I made the decision last night to leave Plurk alone, at least for the time being. I thought that maybe the cause for all of this was seeing how active everyone else was and feeling left out, and at first I got the desired results. I was happy and relieved for all of a few hours, and people were happy to talk to me on instant messenger, but as people started going to bed one by one my insecurities came creeping right back like shadows. You have some light for a while and it keeps them at bay until the light goes dim, then you're left to face your demons on your own again.

I wonder if the problem is in fact Plurk, and not the quality of friends that I'm "surrounded" by at present. I've been trying to get back in touch with Ell on a regular basis again for some time with mixed results, but I think we're getting closer to reconnecting. Honestly it's taking effort not to rush it, in fact, because I've felt so unwanted for the past week that I honestly don't know how I stand it.

People tell me that they're excited to work with me on storylines and projects, and then... instead we end up talking less and less, and where I thought that we might become RP partners instead they're gone off with someone else that I've felt unwanted by in the first place. Have I just lost my touch for telling genuine affection from empty promises, or was it just easy to see through people in the B/C in comparison?

I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the overbearing one, that I should pull back so I don't frighten people away. I have so many ideas and so much energy that I don't know what to do with it all, and I often feel like I'm taken for granted where I really want to be appreciated. I feel like a passing novelty: Interesting and new and amazing at first and then the new smell fades and the new shine dulls and people find themselves left with this gadget or book that still has so much to offer, but it's not NEW and can no longer provide instant gratification, so it's lost any worth to their time.

I miss having friends and people in my life that didn't treat me like this, or make me feel like this. Unfortunately I feel like maybe part of my problem is that I myself have missed out on golden opportunities to have worthwhile plots and CR with others because I was taken in by the novelty of BEING someone's novelty, and it's too late to go back.

RP is losing it's charm. I still want to explore these things, I feel that the world of fiction and creation still has a lot to offer and to be explored, but I'm having such a difficult time finding someone who is free to explore it with me in the areas that I want to go that a little part of my hope of ever finding such people dies every time I go through this.

I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not ready to close the book on this chapter. I know I'm not ideal. I play a largely female cast and the males that I do play aren't sex god assholes, they're well intended, geeky, dorky, perhaps undateable, but they have character too. Don't ignore me, please. And don't tell me that you understand and you want to do this and that with me, that you're excited for our plans and then flaunt your other things where I can see it while you barely spare our stuff one tag a day. I ask the question over and over and I feel like I never get an honest answer.

What am I doing wrong?
koree: (Default)
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Sad to say as it is the only thing I can think to do would be to work as much as possible to pay off as much of my credit debt as possible so I wouldn't leave a mess behind for my loved ones. In my free time I'd get as many family and friends together as possible over the month, health and God willing and just hang out as much as we could to create some final memories together.
koree: (Default)
I really need some help right now. All the half-planning and joking aside, if anyone on my friend list is looking for someone to help with rent, and you're willing to consider me as a room mate, please email me at fullmetalpygmy@gmail.com.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to have my cell phone or internet so it's possible that communication is going to be patchy, or I might not get back to you right away, so please do not take offense if I don't respond to random comments or VM's or missed calls or emails. I really only have time for the serious stuff right now.

Email me if you're interested. I'll try to keep this updated if anything comes up sooner.
koree: ([KH] Sora - Color My World)
:O Yuuuuuus, admire the shiney! PNG Extract is thanks to the absolutely amazing and wonderful EGAO! (V. Distant Destiny) Be sure to check them out for all your PNG and Extract and Vector needs. :D The layout code is credited to [livejournal.com profile] gawariel_design. Graphic manipulation by me.

This was supposed to be a Hibari layout, but he, as usual, refused to cooperate. |D Rather than risk the wrath of his Tonfa I gave up and went with this image instead. I just had to remove Lambo-san ;0; He just didn't fit into the layout since he was cut in half, I'm sorry Lambo-san! I love the way this turned out though, all things considered, especially since I was up till 6am making it. There's still some tweaking to be done (Like fixing it so the icons don't push the entry text down) but I'd declare this a success. X) Opinions?
koree: (Smug (Triumphant))
But for those of us that need a little help dealing with that, I present the manual solution. (User "kinkittie " discovered this and was kind enough to share it with the rest of us! I'm posting this here for those on my F-List or on my F-List's F-List that don't want to dig through dozens of entries and comments on lj-backup.)

If you lost a character journal and would like to retrieve posts, comments, and layout codes... )

The only major downside in all this is that LJ doesn't want to cooperate with it's own layouts. I can't get my "Generator" layout to convert properly. :[
koree: (WTF!?)

"Pop/R&B singer Jesse McCartney is in talks to play the Fire Nation’s evil prince Zuko. Exiled from the Fire Nation by his father, Zuko is sent to capture the Avatar in order to restore his honor and right to the throne.

The Last Airbender is being targeted for a July 2nd 2010 release."

First: Please check out this link if you're an Avatar fan.

Okay, I had some time to let the shock wear off, so I'm going to amend my post by explaining why this is so "WTF" to me.

So I see the poll on Tsubasa-mine's Deviantart journal, and immediately investigate. I find the above linked site (Click the picture) to see the cast list. The first thing I did when I got the link was scroll down to see who would play our favorite banished prince. Imagine my shock to see Jesse McCartney's picture there and name in big bold letters. Ho, but it gets better.

Scroll back up, now, and look, lo and behold, I don't know ANY of the other three cast members (Noah is an UK, intentionally.). Let the "WTF" begin.

First, let's set aside the fact that Zuko is going from having a low pitched rasp to sounding like a male Fran Drescher, let's focus, instead, on the fact that he, as well as the other three cast members playing the main roles (Aang, Katara, and Sokka) look like the closest they've been to Asian culture are Chinese leftovers and watching old MAD TV clips.

Besides just Zuko, look at the other three actors. Avatar is a show about Asian culture, and while it's one thing to cast roles to whoever for an animated feature, where most people don't even bother looking into who plays who, it's another entirely to take a series or setting that is SO CLEARLY Asian (Korean, Japanese, Chinese) and Inuit, and spit in it's face. The entire main cast is Caucasian. You really mean to tell me that they couldn't find a single Asian actor (or even an actor of other ethnicity that resembled the character AT LEAST A LITTLE) to play EVEN ONE of the four roles? REALLY?

Brilliant sum-up entry here.
koree: (You got Pwned! - Fai/Kuro)
koree: (Default)
First of all, I hope you and Liz are okay over there, Des. I wish now more than ever that I still had my old phone. I haven't heard from one friend from down there since she informed us she was stuck due to a flat tire. I'm extremely worried.

We're okay here. Tina's grandmother had to be evacuated and our park turned into a lake for a few days, but no one was hurt (Thankfully Hoosiers are a lot of things, but stubborn enough to get hurt by braving flood weather is not one of them.).

I'm about to collapse tomorrow night so I might not pop up online till Friday to update. I'm so tired... Been working double shifts and all day every day but Saturday and Tuesday. SO tired. But almost totally rid of Penny's and Target, then if mom approves my plan I'll be going to Acen next year (As older!Raven, Tsubasa!Caldina, and a Zutara!Love child. Laugh, go ahead, you know it's funny. I'm gonna have a big ass annoying DUNCE CAP that says: "ZUTARA LOVECHILD" right on my head.). WHOO. So tired.

And now something light hearted: A meme )


Apr. 14th, 2008 11:32 pm
koree: (Default)
To the two, maybe three people that are still reading this, or anyone else that can see this (since I made this a public entry), I'm moving. I don't think there's any reason left for me to keep this journal name, and honestly it's too much to look back at anymore. My new journal is going to be a private one. I won't be posting the name here because I want to keep it that way. If you need to be added, I'll contact you. If you'd like to, you can comment on this post. Those of you that are added I respectfully ask that you keep the new name to yourselves/just among us.

This will be the last post that I make here, so, if I don't see you on the "other side", if I ever took part in an RPG with you or was a part of a community with you, well, it's been fun and I hope you lead long and happy, good lives. To those of you that I had made plans with, I'm sorry to cut them short but I have my reasons for leaving and I hope you can all understand.

And for you, you know who you are. I hope you read this or someone will pass it on for me. )
koree: (Default)

Confirmed Guests of Honor

* Hannah Alcorn
* (New!) Karan Ashley -- Iesha/Yellow Power Ranger Season 2/Movie 1
* (New!) Robert Axelrod -- LORD ZED. AHAHAHAHA!!! Rita's bitch!
* Christopher Ayres
* Greg Ayres -- EEEE!!! 2nd PLACE 2nd PLACE!!!! (Super Gals! RAN KOTOBUKI!)
* (New!) Steve Cardenas -- SEASON 2 RED RANGER. HAHAHAHAHA!! Jason's replacement! XD
* Bob and Emily DeJesus
* Josh Elder
* Quinton Flynn -- Axel (Kingdom Hearts II)/Reno (Advent Children) -- One. Word. iDie. IDIEOFGLEENOW.
* (New!) Jason David Frank
* (New!) Caitlin Glass
* (New!) HALCALI
* Russell Lissau
* Carli Mosier
* Jeff Nimoy
* (New!) Steve Yun


SO FREAKING AMUSED. It's like a f*ing Power Ranger's Reunion! WAAAAAAAAAH!!!! ;00000;

We also have a few people from Digimon (Quinton Flynn, Jeff Nimoy, and others XD) so FREALKSDFLKAS! MIMI COSPLAY HERE I COME!!!
koree: (Smug)
Another happy birthday (though this one is coming a day late, I'm sorry love, yesterday was hectic.) to Des! You're so OLD now!!! >O

And, because I saw this on deviantart.com today at work and got such a little joyful kick out of it, here I am to share with you all:

Have a smile/laugh! )
koree: (Smug)
Backdating this since I wanted to post it yesterday, but when I got home from work I could not make DSL and Livejournal cooperate.

Happy birthday to Tony, Meilin, and Ken! Hope it was a good one, also, happy birthday toDAY (December 24th) to Chidori! Hope you, er, have a good one too. :)

Annnd, Merry Christmas to anyone celebrating on the 24th today (like Tina)!


Nov. 16th, 2007 11:56 am
koree: (Smug)
Sweet victory is mine! Soon I shall corrupt the entire world with my dorky ways!


For the time being it poses as a mere parked sight, but ho-ho! What evil lurks beneath this neutral facade? *ninja*

I am excited! This is a very big step for me! Last night I even went ahead and bought some covers for my graphic design portfolios and resume! Muwa-haha! I shall be working hard this weekend and week.
koree: (iPwn)
If anyone can recommend some places where I can find some nice how-to-draw, or anatomy books, or medical books covering the human body, I'd be extremely grateful.

I'm not particularly going for a RL-style (|D I just don't think it'd be a style I could maintain), but I'd like for them to actually look like they're human. *bricked*
koree: (Nervous Breakdown || Icon by: evercool)
Vent. Have a nice one. )
koree: (Default)
Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
koree: (Default)
So... it turns out that Q. does actually have an intrest in dating, but, seeing that he took a vow for his faith, that's out of the question. I've never felt this torn before.

I respect his decision, I wish I could say I had that kind of dedication, I do. A part of me wanted to ask if that was just the absolute final verdit, book's closed, the end, "I'm only allowed to socialize, date, and/or marry within my own faith, sorry.", but I couldn't put that kind of pressure on him for something like that. I don't want that kind of weight on my concience. He was worried I'd take it personal, and the thing of it is, I told him that I didn't, and I don't, but the fact that it's not personal just hurts worse, it makes it that much more frustrating. I just wish that I had been better prepared for it. I know nothing about his religious-beliefs besides the very bare, bare basics, but I had a gut feeling this was coming. It didn't do much good though.

I don't feel like being online, I don't feel like talking to anyone on the phone. I just don't know if I'm going to be around tonight guys, sorry.
koree: (AWESOME!! || Icon by: resunik)
koree: (Nervous Breakdown || Icon by: evercool)
Okay, so, e.e; Koree's been eating on a really shitty diet for the last two weeks, and it finally caught up with her Friday night, along with her sleeping position habits and drinking habits (Mountain Dews, usually 2 a night). I'm laid up right now in bed, slept for almost 24 hours, and had a couple of dry-heave sessions. I'm doing considerably better, but still feeling whatever bug I managed to catch. Finally able to stomach cold water (because trust me, cold water + grease in stomach = not pretty combination), but still feeling the ache in my side and sound like shit. I'll send out some texts, but if I don't pick up the phone before tomorrow night, no one panic. ;__; I might just be really deep asleep (freaked my dad out, he came all the way home from church today because I didn't pick up), or, unavailable for whatever reason.

I promise I'll make my phone rounds and let everyone know I'm alive and well as soon as I stop feeling like crap.

Love you all, sorry for lack of better news. *didn't want anyone to find out the hard way I was sick XP*
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